Pick Your Hard: Presentation at the Manhattan Fitness Expo

Rachel here!

On Saturday, October 20th, 2018 I had the opportunity to speak about my wellness journey at the Manhattan Fitness Expo. I have had the privilege to do plenty of public speaking engagements through my job and volunteer work, but NEVER would I have thought that I would EVER be invited to chat about health & fitness in a public setting- yet here we are! I was honored and moved by the experience, and wanted to share it here as well.

Below is the video from the expo itself in addition to the written version. I personally prefer the written version myself, but feel free pick your own adventure and watch, read, or experience my chat both ways!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctrfCH88FcE

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I’m going to start off with a statement, and that’s: PICK YOUR HARD. Pretty simple and to the point, but these three words seriously changed my life.

Life is hard. Situations we find ourselves in every single day are hard. Living can even be hard, and that can make the effort of choosing – no matter what the decision is regarding – nearly crippling, because no matter the choice, it’s still going to be HARD. Let’s be honest here, folks. Seldom do we find something is easy, especially if it matters.

So, you have to pick your hard.

For me, the two “hards” I found myself caught between were staying the weight I was, or doing the work it would take to change it for the better. Let me tell you, being morbidly obese was HARD. By the time I was 24 years old, I have skyrocketed to 300 lbs. with a BMI of 49.9. While I had never been that heavy before, weight was something I struggled with my entire life. I was always the chubby kid and by 24, that was simply a part of my identity that I had accepted and was honestly okay with. To be frank, I have never had a confidence issue no matter my weight or situation, and that made it pretty easy to give myself excuses for why living this way was just fine.

For example, at 11 years old, I was diagnosed with high testosterone and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, which essentially means I had cysts on my internal lady parts and my hormones were all out of whack. For those of you familiar with PCOS, you know that’s an over simplified generalization, but it gives you the idea. That body chemistry alone can make healthy weight management incredibly difficult, so why bother? Then add in that I simply love food. I was never an emotional eater, I just love it. And if I love it, there’s no scenario where “too much” is even a possibility – no matter what “it” is. Throw in a heinous amount of work related stress and a quarter-life crisis, and I was able to create the perfect concoction of unapologetic weight gain. Thus, the end result was me being 300 lbs.

We can sometimes avoid how hard our current situation is by compartmentalizing, focusing on silver-linings, going into a flat out denial stage, or even being truly ignorant to the full picture of how difficult life actually is in that moment. I was kind of doing all those things at once. I “didn’t notice” that I couldn’t grocery shop without getting winded. I had the mentality that yeah, I was big, but SILVER LINING: I wasn’t THAT big right? So on and so forth.

Well, after the dust settled on that quarter-life crisis I mentioned, my new husband and I had quit our jobs, moved back to Kansas City from South Carolina and were in the midst of job hunting and soul searching. I took that time to start considering my health a priority, because I wasn’t doing much else with my time, and I was able to lose about 70 lbs. before I got busy with a new job, a new house, and plateaued. I’d eventually gain back about 30 of those lbs. landing me at 260 lbs. at the start of 2018.

Around that time, two things happened:

1) I went to Universal Studios in Orlando with my best friend, and on the VERY LAST ride we were getting on that day, the harness wasn’t able to latch and I had to be escorted off. For anyone that has ever been overweight, you know that is one of the worst fears of a big person, and here I was living it. I was mortified, my friend was horrified and tried to get off the ride too, but it was too late. I calmly said it was fine, and I casually walked to the lobby area to wait for her – trying desperately not to cry.

2) My husband and I had been married for a little over 3 years by this time and were starting to have conversations about growing our family. Considering my history with PCOS and the obstacles it can present in that endeavor, I scheduled a visit with a fertility specialist. Of course, like any doctor’s visit, they weigh you – and I get hit with the reality that I had gained back 30 of the pounds I had worked so hard earlier to lose. And then I’m told point blank by the doctor that he has no interest in talking to me about family planning until I lose at least 100 lbs. I’m pretty sure my mouth immediately fell to the floor in response, so he reeled it back a little bit and gave me his why. Simply put, he didn’t believe I would have any problem getting pregnant, but with my fun combination of medical issues, he thought the difficult part for me would be staying pregnant. I had spent my whole life believing that if I was able to get pregnant at all the hard part would be behind me, only to learn that was potentially a lie.

Those two gut-wrenching experiences, one right after the other, made me stumble back and take notice of what my situation was in a way I never had. Being morbidly obese was HARD, and I was done with it. I was done being dictated to by my circumstance, one that I could work to change – even though I knew it would be hard. I decided to pick the different hard: the hard of truly committing to a sustainable healthy lifestyle that would allow me to live the life I wanted, without dictation.

So, on January 3rd, 2018 I picked my new hard. I weighed 260 lbs., had kept off 40 lbs. of my original weight-loss, and had aspirations of losing a total of 150 lbs. when it was all said and done. One could say this was a little ambitious – in fact, the chances of a person losing HALF of their body weight through natural means is less than 1%. Wild to think about.

Anyway, the first step was done. I picked getting healthy and losing weight (YAY!), but what did that all mean anyway? A mental decision is great, but the action after that decision is pretty vital. In my case, my action manifested into a ton of different things – some helpful, some not so helpful, but I’ll stick with the Top 5 that worked for me.

1) I focused my attention on really growing my support network, filling it with true champions, and building out environments that would help me in my journey.

a. I am privileged to have amazing champions active in my life. My husband, my parents, friends, coworkers – the list goes on. And their constant presence and cheerleading has been a big part of my success.

b. I also sought out additional networks. I joined Facebook groups focused on health & wellness. I followed fellow Instagrammers that had gone through or were going through similar journeys. But I was selective, because these platforms can also be toxic and draining.

c. I learned pretty quickly that my “whys” were different than others, and instead of that taking away from my experience, it empowered me to share more. I wasn’t getting healthy because I hated my body. I was getting healthy because I LOVED it. I had a TON of “before” pictures, because I’d never shied away from capturing moments of pure joy, and I have never once believed I wasn’t worthy of love because of my physical appearance. I wholeheartedly connect with folks whose journeys are fueled by those realities, but they simply weren’t mine, and because of that, my path has varied from the trends I’ve seen more often than not.

2) I put a financial investment into making my health the priority it needed to be.

a. In other words, I joined my local gym (Ultimate Image Fitness). I started using my FSA and actually going to the doctor regularly. I began taking a good multi-vitamin, bought cute workout clothes (which is now a full blown obsession - PS: love my Crystal Leggings you see me wearing in the video? You can grab them at Confused Girl in the City! Use code "racheldefoenewton" for 15% off!), and did a HealthyWage challenge where I bet $25/month that I could lose 60 lbs. in 6 months for a prize of $779 if I hit my goal, which I did. I learned pretty quickly that investments in my health, had pretty great returns.

3) I did my research.

a. Who here has ever been presented information like it was a fact, only to find out it was total bull? Yeah, probably most of us. And that’s especially true when you start talking about weight-loss and how to accomplish it. I knew my body best. I knew my ability best, so while I appreciated tips and tricks I received along the way, I took the time to research what was going to be the best fit myself. I did this with everything from workouts and meals to meditation and my health conditions. Catch me after the expo, and I’ll talk your ear off about what my thoughts are on BMI and visceral vs. subcutaneous fat!

4) I started choosing what I ate and drank.

a. Wait, does that mean I didn’t “choose” that beforehand? No, not exactly. But I never put deliberate and consistent thought into what I put into my body before I started this journey and that had to change.

b. Going back to the last action step, I did research on eating habits and decided to do a few Whole30 Challenges, one per quarter, throughout 2018 to learn how my body felt with and without certain foods. Lemme tell ya, you learn A LOT about how foods make you feel when you do a Whole30 (check out the previous posts we made about Whole30 HERE and HERE)

c. I focused my attention on increasing protein, balancing my macros, and decreasing portions (that last one being KEY).

d. I pretty much drowned, and continue to drown, myself in water, water, water. Hydration. What a concept!

e. And when I wanted to indulge – I did! It isn’t feasible to be perfect every single day, especially over a long period of time, and a wellness journey isn’t a short story, it’s an epic, so sustainability is a must. When I wanted ice cream, I had some. When my chef brother’s restaurant opened, you better believe I cleaned my plate. Life happens, and a lot of life involves food, so I just balanced it out. If I indulged, I made sure my other meals were on point and I worked out more. Weight-loss comes with pretty simple math. Burn more calories than you eat and you’ll at least be moving in the right direction. Pro-tip on this: start tracking your calories if you’re just starting out. I personally used MyFitnessPal, which is free, and now that I am far enough along, I don’t have to be as strict in my tracking because I have a pretty good handle on my average calorie intake.

5) I got active. Like really active. And made exercise a part of my daily routine.

a. Some people can focus all their attention on their diet to be successful, which is awesome, but that was never going to be the case with me. I didn’t want to be skinny, I wanted to be fit and healthy, and that means working out. At first, I just did cardio. 30 minutes on the elliptical. Walking my dog, etc. before working my way up to strength training with my husband and starting my own workout routines, which I researched.

b. I got a standing desk because my daily grind is incredibly sedentary, and started pacing when I was on conference calls or encouraging walking meetings in the workplace when it was appropriate.

c. I also mixed up my exercise routine and tried new things because I didn’t want to get bored with it. I went to classes at my gym like Yoga and Dance2Fit, both of which are now static parts of my week that I look forward to every Tuesday & Thursday. I did a 28 Day Jumpstart Challenge through FitGirlsGuide. We decided on a cross-country road trip that included tons of hiking and camping as our annual vacation instead of our usual getaways. I did a ton of stuff, and continue to infuse new things every once in a while, because it’s actually one of the best parts of getting fit.

6) BONUS STEP: I celebrated milestones and took time to reflect along the way.

a. We aren’t dogs, so not every “good boy” or “good girl” moment needs an edible treat, but I still need treats all the same – especially when I’m working my tail off. That means I did a happy dance for every single pound I lost. Ask my husband, he can attest to the constant dancing (Check out the fun GIF of the #happydance HERE).

b. I also saved up my money for #treatyoself moments to commemorate big milestones. For example, when I hit 75 lbs. down, I got myself a subscription to the FabFitFun box and when I got under 200 lbs., I got a Fitbit Versa. I also celebrated in much less splurgier ways like with a hot detox bath at home and a cheesy Redbox movie rental night with the hubs. No matter the celebration, what mattered is that I took time to celebrate in some way shape or form, because this kind of thing deserves it!

c. In regards to the reflection part, I really took time out to notice the changes that could have easily flown under the radar if I wasn’t paying attention. I journaled about how my body felt so I got to follow the positive trends when reading back. I noticed how people approached me, and if that changed at any point along the way – which spoiler alert, it did, but that’s for a different talk. I also noticed things like no longer having to choose between sitting further back while driving so my stomach didn’t touch the steering wheel or sitting close enough to actually reach the pedals. Scary, I know. I reflected on how much better I slept, my increase in energy, and that I no longer had to walk to the very back of a department store to find clothes that would fit me. You’d think since stores charge more for bigger clothes, they would have more prime retail real estate, but alas, they do not. All of this was exciting to take in, and if I didn’t take the time to notice it, I wouldn’t have been able to push through the weeks that lacked scale victories or a change in pant size.

d. I also shared these reflections and noticings with others online through a handful of different platforms. My husband and I started a blog and website to chronicle our joint weight-loss called Sugarphig Gets Fit, a title playing off childhood nicknames; I wrote Facebook statuses about our little victories and our setbacks, and posted progress pictures on Instagram. Random folks, old friends, extended family members, all kinds of people started engaging with the content and reaching out with questions and notes of congratulations. This connects back up to action step 1, which was purposefully growing your support network. Sometimes, you’re able to accidentally grow it, and that’s exciting. I never knew what I had to say would resonate with people, but apparently it has.

None of these action steps are groundbreaking, folks. I know I’m not some kind of health & wellness guru that was able to completely transform the world of weight-loss as we know it. If I’ve learned anything on this path, it’s that there is no silver bullet – which I feel bad admitting sometimes, because SO many people have reached out to me and asked, “How did you do it?!” and I know they’re looking for something more than, “Well, I started eating right and got active. I also had people supporting me along the way.” But in essence, that’s really all it’s been.

I’ve lost 130 lbs. so far, with about 100 of those being lost in 2018, and have 20 – 30 more to go. I picked my hard – to work tirelessly and sustainably to get healthy – instead of staying with my original hard of being morbidly obese. My hope for each person is that they are able to make a similar choice, and pick the hard that will ultimately make their life easier, happier, and healthier.

Thanks so much!